Mindfulness: What is it, and why you need it.

Mindfulness is a buzzword these days with articles and news stories on the topic-- but what is mindfulness? And does it do everything it promises? Today we’ll discuss what mindfulness is, how to practice it, and discover the benefits in emotional regulation and overall mental health.

The goal of mindfulness is to reduce suffering, increase happiness, and to experience reality as it is. This means choosing to view reality not through our interpretation or assumptions, but in terms of facts. Assumptions and perceptions can distort reality and cause negative emotions, but if we tune into the facts of our present moment, we can learn to practice mindfulness and come into our wisemind-- more on that later.

Disclaimer: mindfulness requires a lot of practice. It is easy to fall out of mindfulness and become distracted, but the key is to bring yourself back. There are two key skills in mindfulness, each with a subset of three skills, that we will go over today. The first skill is the “WHAT.” The “WHAT” consists of observing, describing, and participating. Let’s dive in.

Observing

Think of observing as walking into a room full of furniture with your eyes open. You would still walk into this room if your eyes were closed, but with them open you don’t run into the furniture. The room seems fuller. Observation brings us into the real, factual present. It is the opposite of multitasking. Think about driving. Aren’t you a better driver when you’re not on your phone? The same is true for observing. Mindfulness requires the present moment and the present moment only. Here’s how to practice observing:

1. Notice what you are perceiving through your senses-- what can you hear? Smell? Use your body to perceive your surroundings.

2. Sense objects or events inside or outside your body-- what are your bodily sensations? Are you hungry? Is it cold in the room you’re in? Check in with your body and surroundings. This includes checking in with your thoughts. Are you anxious?

3. Observe your thoughts-- listen to the flow of your thoughts but don’t attach yourself to them. Think of your thoughts like clouds and watch them pass by.

4. Pay attention to the present-- what is happening right now? Where are you? Don’t think about past events or what you have to do in the future. Stay grounded in the now.

5. Observe by controlling your attention-- there are two types of attention: focusing the mind and opening the mind. When you focus, you think about specific events or thoughts (i.e. focus on your breathing). When you open your mind, you focus on whatever thoughts come in or out, and watch them pass like clouds.

6. Practice wordless watching-- this means not labeling your thoughts. For example, if you hear a chirp outside the window, try not to think “that must be a bird.”

7. Practice non-stick mind-- don’t attach yourself to thoughts or emotions. Avoid pushing away experiences, but also avoid holding onto them.

8. Observe with a beginner’s mind-- every moment is brand new and has never happened before. Don’t compare this moment to other moments before.

9. Bring the mind back to observations-- you will stray (remember, this takes practice) so when you feel yourself stray, try to gently bring your mind back to the present.

10. Observing requires controlling actions-- notice your urges to stop observing. Maybe you are tired or have grocery shopping to do. Notice this, then bring yourself back.

Observing the present moment can be scary, especially if you have a history of trauma. You might not want to observe your thoughts. Research shows that observations help slow down ruminations and can be helpful in controlling emotions. Practice exercises for observation and awareness. Imagine each thought as a car driving by: watch the cars pass but don’t attach yourself to them.

Describing

The next step in the “WHAT” is describing. Describing distinguishes what is being observed from what is not being observed. Your thoughts about an event are not necessarily the facts of that event. Describing also allows feedback from a larger community. An example is when parents are teaching their children to say words. The child says the word back and then is corrected. Here’s how to describe:

1. Describe observations by writing them down-- this allows for analysis of the observation.

2. If it wasn’t observed, it can’t be described-- you cannot describe other people;s thoughts, emotions, or intentions, so focus on what is in front of you.

3. Causes and changes-- these things cannot be observed and are inferred, but we cannot actually see them.

An exercise in describing is to try and describe the first thought that comes into your head. Do not pass judgment on the thought, only describe exactly what that thought is. Is this easy or hard for you to do?

Participating

The last step in the “WHAT” is participation. The goal is to enter wholly and with nonjudgmental awareness into the present moment. This is the ultimate goal of mindfulness. Participation gives you intense joy and a sense of control, this is known as “flow.” Observing and describing is like looking at the cars passing by, but participation is like walking across the street. Here’s how:

1. You must observe and describe before you participate-- observe a problem you are having, then describe it, then participate in finding a solution.

2. A way to participate is to practice the most difficult mindfulness skill for you. If that’s being in the present moment, then practice bringing yourself back to your present over and over.

3. Try folding paper into origami shapes. Observe how the paper changes, be mindful the whole time, and continue to practice folding until the shape is correct, focusing only on this task and nothing else.

These three “WHAT” steps are the first step in practicing mindfulness. We’ve discussed the benefits of mindfulness and how to start your journey towards a calmer mind, but now let’s learn the second set of skills to round out your mindfulness education.

The next part, the “HOW,” is about practicing nonjudgmentally, which means acting nonjudgmentally, acting one-mindfully, and effectively. How you use mindfulness is just as important as what you are doing. Both of these skill sets together will make your mindfulness practice as effective as possible and give you peace of mind.

Acting Nonjudgmentally

First, let’s go over the two types of judgments. There are discriminatory judgments and evaluation judgments. Discriminatory judgments are judgments that discern if observations are the same or different, or if something meets a standard, or if a situation fits the facts. An example would be a jeweler judging a stone to see if it is a real diamond. An evaluation judgment is a judgment that discerns whether something is “good” or “bad,” worth your time, or valuable. The goal is to get rid of evaluation judgments-- we cannot treat our judgments as facts about reality, therefore no judgment is “good” or “bad.” These judgments are in the mind of the beholder and are not actually about the objects, people, or events we are judging.

Why practice being nonjudgmental? Being judgmental can have damaging impacts on relationships. It can also bring out negative emotions. Changing the cause of a situation can work better than judging it. It is essential to practice mindfulness to achieve these goals. So, how do we practice being nonjudgmental?

1. Let go of “good” and “bad”-- let go of any evaluation judgments

2. Replace evaluations with “it is” or describe-- Instead of saying “My friend should be in a better mood,” think to yourself, “My friend is acting this way”

3. Let go of “should”-- replace this by describing feelings and desires.

4. Describe the facts of the situation using only your senses

5. Describe the consequences of the situation

6. Describe your feelings in response to the situation

A disclaimer: being nonjudgmental does not mean you approve of a situation or deny any consequences, it just means the situation is what it is and everything has a cause. An example would be if you’re painting your house. You go to the paint store and buy the wrong color. Instead of thinking, “this is such an ugly color,” you simply think, “I wanted a different color” and go back to buy the right color. Values and emotions are not inherently judgmental; you can like or dislike something without labeling it “good” or “bad.”

Another tip: don’t judge yourself for judging! We all make judgments and it’s a very hard habit to break, so give yourself time to adjust. Reminding yourself to practice acting nonjudgmentally is part of your mindfulness journey, and everything takes time

One-Mindfully

The next step is acting one-mindfully. This is fancy terminology for being in this one, present moment. The past is gone, the future hasn’t happened yet, so the only thing you can do is exist in the moment you’re in. It is best to do one thing at a time. Why practice this? We think the pain of the present moment is enough to deal with. Your thoughts and emotions can overwhelm you if you consider anything but the present. Multitasking is inefficient and you often don’t perform at your best when trying to accomplish multiple things at once. The last good reason is that life and meaningful relationships will pass you by. If you are always ruminating on the past or planning for the future, you could miss some beautiful moments. Here’s how to practice one-mindfulness:

1. Be present in the current moment-- don’t suppress or avoid moments, but fully observe them and be aware of current experiences

2. Let go of past and future thoughts-- easier said than done, right? Remember to keep bringing yourself back to the present as many times as you need to.

3. Do one thing at a time--if you have a whole sinkful of dishes to wash, you can still only wash one dish at a time.

Acting Effectively

The last step in the “HOW” is to use these useful skills to achieve your goal without judgments like “right,” “wrong,” “fair,” or “unfair.” Being right about something or thinking something is unfair doesn’t help you achieve the ultimate goal of mindfulness. Here’s how to do it:

1. Know your goal or object

2. Know are react to actual situation, not what should happen

3. Know what will and won’t work to achieve your goals-- be creative and open to asking for help, be calm and think about your options, problem solve (see last blog post on this)

4. Play by the rules when necessary-- this is especially true if you are in a lower position and asking something from someone in a higher position

5. Be savvy about people-- don’t go off of what people should do, respond to who they are presently

This step is a hard one, but using your tools effectively is crucial in attaining mindfulness. The key is to practice every chance you get and forgive yourself for not being perfect at it. The ultimate goal is to achieve Wise Mind.

Wise Mind

Wise Mind is the product of finding inherent wisdom within yourself. This is a humanistic, contemplative practice. It is the experience of unity with the sacred-- whatever that is to you. Wise Mind is like going home, and when we experience loneliness and feel lost, it is really homesickness because we have strayed from our Wise Mind. There are seven characteristics of a spiritual experience, so look out for these signs:

1. Experiential- direct, unmediated experience of reality

2. Unitary- no distance between self and higher power

3. Ineffable- experience is indescribable, only can use metaphors

4. Giving certitude- certainty is clear and undeniable

5. Practical- experience is beneficial to one’s life

6. Integrative- unity of n on-extreme emotions, love, passion

7. Sapiential-- knowledge of the intuitive, leads to wisdom

Our understanding of mindfulness and its importance is changing in our modern world. It isn’t practical for us all to become monks and ditch the modernity, but mindfulness is more important than ever. With our busy lives and constant distractions, such as technology, mindfulness can help us center ourselves and live more in the present moment. The HuffPost has some great tips for combatting our technological urges and practicing mindfulness in their article, “7 Ways to Practice Mindfulness in the Technology Age.” Here are a few tips:

1. When your cell phone rings, take three deep breaths before answering.

2. Check in with yourself when on social media. How do you feel before? How do you feel afterwards? What judgments or feelings did you have?

3. When you’re waiting, say at a stoplight, do you have the urge to check your phone or emails? Notice this, resist the urge, and take some deep breaths.

These are just a few ways to practice small moments of mindfulness throughout your day. Of course, it would be great if you could set aside 10 minutes a day to practice in a quiet space, too. Mindfulness may be harder to obtain in the Information Age, but that just makes it more important to find time to live in the present moment. Whether you’re a master of mindfulness or a beginner, try out these tips to have a clearer, happier mind.

Do something today that you’ll thank yourself for tomorrow. Till next time; stay hopeful.

Sources

DBT Skills Training Manual 2nd Ed, Marsha Linehan PhD

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/technology-meditation_b_2448157